Sunday, 27 November 2011

THE MORNING AFTER PILL OTHERWISE KNOWN AS - OH MY GOD THE CONDOM BROKE:


Samantha woke up with a pounding headache. She groaned loudly and shifted around under the covers until something hard and warm met her touch. She quickly pulled back the blankets to see her very naked ex-boyfriend lying next to her. 
"Oh goooood what did I driiiiink??" she murmured into her hands as she tried not to laugh at the badly drawn penises and unibrow on the guy's face. She herself had 'BEST PARDY EVA' written on her abdomen. She shoved him awake and said, "Jack, listen, did we have sex last night?" He looked confused and then, "Oh yeah, that was great, we should do it again sometime," he said, lying back with a grin.
"I don't make mistakes twice! Anyway, you used a condom right?" she sighed, reaching for her clothes. "No," came the answer. She stopped dead and said, "WHAT?!" He put his hands up and looked worried. "You're on the pill so it doesn't matter!" She felt like punching him. "No I came off it when we broke up! Are you saying we used absolutely NOTHING to stop your boys swimming upstream??" 
"Yeah...," he said slowly. She hit him with a pillow and put on her clothes in stony silence. "So what are you gonna do?" he asked meekly. "Get the morning after pill obviously," she said, still pissed off at him and promising herself she'd never touch drink again.

                     
The emergency contraceptive pill is taken after unprotected sexual intercourse or contraceptive failure, to try and prevent pregnancy from occurring. It can work up to 72 hours after unprotected sex. Millions of women around the world have used emergency contraceptives effectively. However, this is an emergency form of contraception and does not replace effective methods of regular contraception.


It needs to be taken as soon as possible so don't be waiting round making french toast, get your ass to the chemist! The earlier you take it, the better. It works best if you take it within 12 hours of sex. You should swallow it with water as soon as you get it, in fact the chemist will probably give you a glass of water to take straight away! It's less effective the more you wait so don't treat them like assignments and get them outta the way!

YOU HAVE TO GET THE MORNING AFTER PILL IF:

  • You've had unprotected sex, no contraception of ANY kind; and no, praying to Jesus is not a viable barrier method
  • The contraception has failed, such as a condom breaking! You might  not notice during sex so make sure to check for holes in the boat afterwards!
  • You experience pill failure: If you forgot it or didn't take it on time or you got violently sick from all the jagerbombs, you're better safe than sorry!

If you're already up the duff, the morning after pill has no effect, zero, zilch, nada! And if you have diarrhea or throw up after you've taken it, chances are it wasn't absorbed so you'll have to take another one!

It's now available over the counter and it's getting cheaper in certain chemists than it was when it first came out! Don't be tempted to use it as a contraception method though, I have a friend who does that and it can't be good for her to have her hormones constantly up and down all over the place! Plus she acts like she's on her period almost all the time!




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